Twitter Updates for 2010-06-06
- He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained. #
- "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." — Rich Jeni #
- Someone will try to honk your nose today. #
- "Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in life, except for good taste in men." — Wedding Toast #
- Philadelphia is not dull — it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersy. #
- Experience is the name every one gives his mistakes. — Elbert Hubbard #
- To the world you are just one persone, but to one person you could mean the world. — Anonymous #
- "Don't make me pull this plane over" — Flight attendent's remark, after we're all too drunk on the plane and Kim almost falls down. #
- "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." — Benjamin Disraeli #
- "Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority." — Thomas Henry Huxley #
- You get what you pay for. — Gabriel Biel #
- There is no evil in the atom. Only in mens souls. — Adlai Stevenson #
- Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin! — Anonymous #
- Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians. — A t-shirt #
- I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow! #
- Tommy, i'm gonna kill you! — as the english teacher tries to choke Tommy in the middle of class. #
- If God dwells inside us like some people say….I sure hope he likes enchiladas, cuz thats what he's getting. — Jack Handey #
- Mr Best Deal finds way to get Thorpe Park tickets for pound15 to use all Summer 2010 http://goo.gl/fb/b00c1 #
- Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. — H. L. Mencken #
- What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. #
- Don't try to drive the homeless into places we find suitable. Help them survive in places they find suitable. — Daniel Quinn #
- Although all knowledge begins with experience, it does not necessarily all spring from experience. — Immanuel Kant #
- If 'Fe' is iron on the periodic table, does that make females iron males? — someone #
- Precision is not reality — Henri Mattisse #
- Everything in life is speaking in spite of it's apparent silence — Hazrat Inayat Khan #
- "Your hair looks good…. From the back." — Melena #
- Your fortune stateth: Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. #
- Oh dear. This calls for a very special blend of psychology … and EXTREME VIOLENCE! — Vyvian, "The Young Ones: Bambi" #
- "Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition." — Samuel Pepys – English diarist #
- "Ultimately, aren't we all just talking monkeys with an attitude problem?" — "Uncle" Ben #
- The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones. — W. Somerset Maugham #
- Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own set of laws. — Douglas Adams #
- Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. — Virginia Woolf #
- Great art can communicate before it is understood. — T. S. Eliot #
- Who's the bigger liars, men or women? … Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. — Chris Rock, "Bigger & Blacker" #
- …people in every direction… no words exchanged, no time to exchange them, and all the little ants are marching… — Dmb #
- I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!? #
- MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. — Ambrose Bierce #
- "You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it." — Wendell Berry #
- "Put your things in the box!" — Aaron Handler, et al. A random all-purpose quote from THE GOOD EARTH. #
- "Que pasa, Sugar-Bear?" — Jeremy "Stinky" Nicholas #
- Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. — Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" #
- I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street. — Virginia Woolf #
- "Unemployment has gone from quantitative to qualitative." — Alvin Toffler #
- Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. — Anonymous #
- You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool your Mom. #
- A work is perfectly finished only when nothing can be added to it and nothing taken away — Joseph Joubert #
- Drive defensively. Buy a tank. #
- A sinking ship gathers no moss. — Donald Kaul #
- "Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs." — Tom Wolfe #
- Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation, the other 8 are unimportant. — Henry Miller #
- MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses. — Ambrose Bierce #
- "Put your hand down! I'm trying to teach!" — Mrs. O'Brien, Geometry teacher. #
- Unwavering obedience to the true principals we learn will assure us spiritual survival. — Anonymous #
- Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. — Aldous Huxley #
- Your fortune stateth: You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled. #
- God is real, unless declared integer. #
- "Why did you turn me into a bison, anyways?" — Tristan #
- I forget clothelines exis. You know, you don't really think about clotheslines…. — Amanda #
- A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. — Lew Col #
- Hey, did you know they have the internet for computers now? — Homer #
- Those who know how to win are more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories. — Polybius #
- The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow. #
- A reverend wanted to telephone another reverend. He told the operator, "This is a parson to parson call." #
- "If you eat rhubarb alone you'll die." — Jen #
- Beth: "Boy, you are getting on my nerves." Jonathan: "Boy? You'd better feel again." #
- Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once. #
- "Destiny is an invention of the cowardly and the resigned." — Ignazio Silone #
- "Education…has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading." — George Macaulay Trevelyan #
- A witty saying proves nothing. — Voltaire #
- Your fortune stateth: Beware of Bigfoot! #
- "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. — Ogden Nash #
- "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." — David Russell #
- Fats Loves Madelyn #
- Batteries not included. #
- I'm still perplexed about my socks. — Joe #
- "We shape our buildings, and forever afterwards our buildings shape us." — Winston Churchill #
- Fragranced Pine Bedroom Furniture http://goo.gl/fb/YLZJu #
- You're yellow, you're gay, and nobody likes you. — Amanda K. #
- It doesn't matter whether you win or lose — until you lose. #
- The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less. — Brendon Francis #
- There are many events in the womb of time which will be delivered — Lago, "Othello" #
- "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's pupils." — Hector Berlioz #
- A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. #
- "Too crowdy. Use frash." — Jen's grandfather's very expensive talking Japanese camera on a typical overcast Seattle day #
- "The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder." — Ralph W. Sockman #
- Numbers are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything. — Anonymous #
- "If you look like your passport photo, you're too sick to travel." — Will Kommen #
- "This music always makes me think of rich people who commit murder." — Amber, listening to classical music #
- "Don't look back — something might be gaining on you." — Satchel Paige #
- Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. — Henry Ford #
- Apple iPhone 4G deals Available From This Monday http://goo.gl/fb/fBOFx #
- Nokia 6700 Slide Deals are affordable with Many Colour Options http://goo.gl/fb/5Zk6N #
- Do YOU have redeeming social value? #
- Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy. #
- If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish. — Chinese Proverb #
- Life is both difficult and time consuming. #
- Fate is an open road, and all you can do is put your foot on the gas and Drive, Baby Drive. — Padraig Flynn #
- Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but not nearly as much as a really good kiss. — Roy B. Wieland #
- O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small. — Anonymous #
- Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. — Alan Corenk #
- "It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education." — Albert Einstein #
- "We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles." — Mark Twain #
- Blackberry 8520 Curve deals and latest offers with free gift http://goo.gl/fb/9AVFy #
- A friend is always good to have, but a lovers kiss is better than angles raining down on me — Dave Matthews #
- "That would make it practically impossible to draw a chalk outline." — Ellie #
- "If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed." — Beau Brummel #
- Apple iPhone deals Grab the golden opportunity http://goo.gl/fb/c6FXA #
- Xperia X10 Mini Deals Now With Free Line Rental http://goo.gl/fb/019Av #
- Htc Desire Deals and Handset Cost Free http://goo.gl/fb/V3k1T #
- The Amazing Electronic Cigarette http://goo.gl/fb/Ru0LG #
- The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. — Merrick Furst #
- The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes. — Jack Handey #
- "Ether bunny, ether bunny, hops around the lab!" — Ellie in Organic Chemistry lab, probaby after smelling the ether too much. #
- All's well that ends. #
- Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker. — Ambrose Bierce #
- "I say kill 'em, if that doesn't work kill 'em again." — Will "Tool" Rodgers, playing a character in a Star Wars RPG #
- Your fortune stateth: Beware of low-flying butterflies. #
- How To Get Your Own Free iPhone Ring tones http://goo.gl/fb/07cSb #
- "Good men must not obey the laws too well." — Ralph Waldo Emerson #
- The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate. — Doug Sneyd #
- NOVEL, n. A short story padded. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 #
- "… an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar." — Mark Twain #
- Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.] #
- "To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk." — Thomas Edison #
- Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. — Publilius Syrus #
- Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. — John Lyly #
- Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head. #
- It is strange that we do not temper our resentment of criticism with a thought for our many faults which have escaped us. — Anonymous #
- iPhone 4G Deals Things You Need To Know http://goo.gl/fb/1D57t #
- "Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved" — Mark Twain #
- New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself. Apply within. #
- Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright". #
- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. — Eleanor Roosevelt #
- I'm so smart it scares you, doesn't it? — my dad, Boon. #
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- HTC Touch2 vs Nokia N900 http://goo.gl/fb/To8dH #
- Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm. — Frank Dane #
- "I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned." — Ogden Nash, "Everybody's Mind to Me a Kingdom Is" #
- Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions. #
- "If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." — Mark Twain #
- "I feel like a slug." — Terry, lethargically. I hit him. #
- When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. #
- T-Mobile Compact V as an upgraded version http://goo.gl/fb/sX2kJ #
- Online Travel Guides Best guide available at your home http://goo.gl/fb/30Tnl #
- Control your expenses with Prepaid Credit Cards http://goo.gl/fb/PpGHu #
- Loans for Unemployed Easy finance for unemployed http://goo.gl/fb/K5xmO #
- Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. — Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" #
- "To every Ph.D there is an equal and opposite Ph.d." — B. Duggan #
- "For the man who has everything… Penicillin." — F. Borquin #
- Alas, I am dying beyond my means. — Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed #
- "Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent." — George Orwell #
- Zack: "Here smell my backpack — it smells like gutter water." Dan: "No, I think I'll pass on that offer." #
- Your fortune stateth: You will outgrow your usefulness. #
- Growing basil from seed http://goo.gl/fb/LZ34a #
- Beautiful flowers to plant now http://goo.gl/fb/2a9xj #
- Apple iPhone 4g contract deals Speculation runs rife http://goo.gl/fb/Pw3Gg #
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