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Twitter Updates for 2010-06-13

  • LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law. — Ambrose Bierce #
  • Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. — Anais Nin #
  • Buying on trust is the way to pay double. — Anonymous #
  • All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies. — John Arbuthnot #
  • Friend: "Do you play tennis on vacation?" Me: "No." Friend: "That's kinda weird, because most people go on vacation only to play tennis." #
  • "WET PAINT (this is not an instruction)" — a note on a subway wall #
  • "The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned." — Lucius Annaeus Seneca #
  • "It would be lopsided at best and afflicted at worst." — Steve describing what would happen if he had to draw a Valentine's heart by hand. #
  • O God, thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small. — Anonymous #
  • "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." — Oscar Wilde #
  • Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It's funny because I think it's better inside. — Alex Walsh #
  • "Chickens are a little small. Well, then so are some men." — Julieann No-Middle-Name Jorgensen (hee hee hee yourself!) #
  • In the republic of mediocrity genius is dangerous. — Robert G. Ingersoll #
  • "Every age and generation must be as free to act for itself, in all cases, as the ages and generations which preceeded it." — Thomas Paine #
  • If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average. — Leonard Levinson #
  • Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. — Jerome Lettvin #
  • Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously? #
  • When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail. #
  • When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure? #
  • "Nothing is so aggravating as calmness." — Oscar Wilde #
  • "Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad, and theology makes them sinful." — Martin Luther #
  • "What's another word for 'Thesaurus?'" — Steven Wright #
  • Music that does not SURGE is not great music. — Carl Ruggles #
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. — George Bernard Shaw #
  • Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. — Kurt Vonnegut, "Slaughterhouse Five" #
  • Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. — Albert Einstein #
  • A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. — Saki, "The Square Egg" #
  • "Even if it doesn't work, there is something healthy and invigorating about direct action." — Henry Miller #
  • Your fortune stateth: Stay the curse. #
  • Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. — Eleanor Roosevelt #
  • "To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition." — Albert Einstein #
  • Your fortune stateth: Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. #
  • Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction? #
  • We love because it's the only true adventure. — Nikki Giovanni #
  • "It's just not stimulating the right part of my brain." — uttered by a close friend when asked about his job. #
  • How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. #
  • Your fortune stateth: You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel. #
  • "Damn… there is nothing that makes me feel more patriotic then pyrotechnics." — Kate during a 4th of July fireworks display #
  • Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. — F. J. Raymond #
  • Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue. — Alfieri #
  • Your fortune stateth: You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. #
  • "Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it." — Donald E. Knuth #
  • There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." — Dave Barry #
  • "Smell my foot?" — Becky #
  • Boys are cute,but food is cuter — Tori Amos #
  • "Let's blow this duck out of the water and make it fly!" – - Dan and Lloyd, referring to their 18 month effort to start a company. #
  • Many are cold, but few are frozen. #
  • "Never frown when youre down, you never know whos falling in love with your smile" — Unknown #
  • In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. — Adlai Stevenson #
  • Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. — Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" #
  • I shot an elephant in my pants. How he got there I'll never know. — Groucho Marx #
  • Your ignorance cramps my conversation. — Anonymous #
  • "My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's." — Oscar Wilde #
  • "The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand." — Lewis Thomas #
  • Me: What's new? Claire: The past tense of "snow." #
  • I know one day I'll turn the corner and I won't be ready for it. — Jean-Michel Basquiat #
  • Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration — Thomas Edison #
  • Your fortune stateth: Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you. #
  • "What is the probability of having three boys in a row all be male?" — Ellie's Human Genetics professor #
  • If you really want to upset your parents, and you are not brave enough to be gay, go into the arts! — Kurt Vonnegut #
  • Jone's Law: The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. #
  • Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. — Anonymous #
  • Hi. I don't know how I got here. Buy me something. –Amanda #
  • A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. #
  • DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. — Ambrose Bierce #
  • Ask your boss to reconsider — it's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer. #
  • Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck. — Adolfo Guzman #
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research. — Anonymous #
  • I think, therefore I am… I think. #
  • Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. — Einstein #
  • Gelatinous goo is sooo much more fun when it's all over the place. — Mike Hamilton #
  • "A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking." — Ralph Waldo Emerson #
  • I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance. #
  • Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.] #
  • First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. — Steve Martin #
  • Campaigners suggest new cheaper route for Glasgow Airport rail link http://goo.gl/fb/qb2p5 #
  • Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. — Charles Pierce #
  • "It's amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions." — Charles F. Kettering #
  • Your fortune stateth: Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate. #
  • Stu: "Can I shuffle the windows?" Me: "Don't you mean the curtains?" 2 minutes pass… Stu: "I guess so." #
  • Strolling is the gastronomy of the eye. To walk is to vegetate, to stroll is to live. — Honore de Balzac #
  • Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. #
  • "I'm no religion, thank God!" — Ceree #
  • Speak low, if you speak love — Much Ado About Nothing, Ii, I, 104. #
  • Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of. — Benjamin Franklin #
  • Your fortune stateth: You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. #
  • What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself. — Abraham H. Maslow #
  • "MMMMM Floorpie." — Homer Simpson #
  • Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom. #
  • No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. — Eleanor Roosevelt #
  • Happiness is the greatest good. #
  • We taught the mirror how to admire itself — Modest Mouse #
  • "Architecture in general is frozen music." — Friedrich von Schelling #
  • Usually the team that scores the most points is going to win it. — John Madden #
  • Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. — Publilius Syrus #
  • Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. #
  • I die hard, but I am not afraid to go. — George Washington's last words, 1799 #
  • In the republic of mediocrity genius is dangerous. — Robert G. Ingersoll #
  • Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. #
  • Mum's the word. — Miguel de Cervantes #
  • F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm! #
  • "Oh, I don't have the discipline to be a hippie" — Homer #
  • "Wouldn't it be great if life was in 3-D?" — Chris in 9th grade #
  • Clearance Mobile Phones Best Deal at Cheap Price http://goo.gl/fb/j0VbU #
  • Get cheap insurance with 1 stop travel insurance http://goo.gl/fb/1snSL #
  • Latest Sony Ericsson Phones Together with Technology and Style http://goo.gl/fb/quEkK #
  • The artist must train not only his eye but also his soul. — Wassily Kaninsky #
  • IMMODEST, adj. Having a strong sense of one's own merit, coupled with a feeble conception of worth in others. — Ambrose Bierce #
  • Boys on my left side boys on my right side boys in the middle and your not here — Tori #
  • They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! #
  • You… kiddie cocktail drinking pie eater! — in honor of Dennis, Blake, Aaron, and Chris #
  • All suffering comes from a person's inability to sit still and be alone. — Anthony de Mello #
  • The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon – but it's echo lasts a great deal longer. — Anonymous #
  • "We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later." #
  • The box said he was a lucky monkey – but maybe he's a BAD-lucky monkey. — Andy #
  • "'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'" — Terry Pratchett, _Small Gods_ #
  • You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience. — Stanislaw J. Lec #
  • The chief cause of problems is solutions. #
  • Payday Loans California – Calculate Some Benefits http://goo.gl/fb/8HCn0 #
  • HTC Desire Black Deals now with Free Line Rental http://goo.gl/fb/Zt7gU #
  • *All* television is children's television. — Richard P. Adler #
  • ALONE, adj. In bad company. — Ambrose Bierce #
  • I am a patient boy. I wait, I wait, I wait. My time, water down the drain. — Fugazi #
  • Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. — Euripides #
  • Debit card Loans-Fulfill your unforeseen expenses http://goo.gl/fb/S5Y0G #
  • Free iphone 4 Off Contract http://goo.gl/fb/2mWJZ #
  • Nokia N97 Mini Contract Latest edition phone coming with latest contract phone deals http://goo.gl/fb/lddel #
  • So You Want A Free Pay As You Go iPhone 4 http://goo.gl/fb/AP5TD #
  • Home improvement loan Give trendy look to your living home http://goo.gl/fb/6hUmE #
  • "If you mail a letter to the post office, who delivers it?" — Deb #
  • A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. — Mark Twain #
  • "'He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.'" — Terry Pratchett, _Small Gods_ #
  • The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. — Albert Einstein #

 
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